{HOW 'BOUT THOSE FINANCES?}

This might sound like a strange thing to discuss for a ME challenge, but it's really a very appropriate one. Money, more appropriately, what I OWE, is the ONE thing that is standing in my way of real happiness. I am lucky: Stephen and I have been through enough to know that we are OK, our relationship is solid. I have a happy, healthy little boy, I have a beautiful home (and we are getting ready to fix it up! yeah!) I have a teaching career I can go back to....

So, what is this setback that is so tightly wrapped around money? Why do I have such a "block" when it comes to managing my finances?  It seems like I get an extra couple of bucks and I am off to the online stores to see what goodies I can buy.

I think I was hit with this when I was doing my Daily Bread. I am not a religious fanatic. I do like the messages and it makes me put things in perspective sometimes. So, I was reading the other day, "What a Relief," the passage that asked the difficult question;

"Why do we wait so long to deal with the personal failures that weigh so heavily on our minds?"

And the answer that weighed so heavily on my soul, was "I don't know." 

This thought struck me hard:

I am living in fear right now.... every time the phone rings, every bill that comes that I don't pay because I chose to spend my money on something else....

The fact is, I must get control of my spending. I work hard on being a good role model for Josh, why am I neglecting the thing that will inevitably be the biggest part of his life? I need to teach him to SAVE. (okay, I have bought a $100 bond every month without fail! yeah!) But, there is not much in his saving account. College money does not just materialize.... (OH how I wish I had one of those money trees that my father spoke of.....)

I want to confess, by that meaning, I want to come clean about my debts to Stephen (EEEEKKKKKKK!). I want to answer that phone when the dreaded "Unknown" shows up on the caller ID, and I want to make a pay off plan.

Okay, so, my camera will wait a little longer. No more scrap extranneous supplies. (Ummm like I NEED them? really...)

Confession brings freedom huh? I would like to be:

free from monetary constraints....

free to live without fear of spending because my finances are in check...

free to pick up the phone without feeling pathetic...

free to live without lies, lies to Stephen about what I bought, or hiding packages, or playing "beat-the-box" with the mailman so DH doesn't see what comes...

I WANT Josh to see a responsible mommy who can control money, not let it control me.

I WANT to BE a financially responsible, independant woman.

I need to GET CONTROL NOW, and it's time I stopped acting like a spoiled teenager.

I need to:

STOP SPENDING

START PAYING OFF DEBTS

START SAVING

I will finish that book a friend suggested, Mindfulness of Money and I will keep a spending journal.

I know it will be hard, but I have to start somewhere. So, I think, today...today I will pick up the phone and face the Unknown....

Peace of mind. What a wonderful thing to give to MYSELF!

Comments

[Robyn]

Good luck Susie! It'll be tough, but you can do this! And you'll feel so much better once you do.

[Jolene George]

Do you know how hard it is to admit something like this? You are strong and brave enough to conquer this problem. I think this is a wonderful and important challenge to tackle. I'm very proud of you! http://jolenegeorge.blogspot.com/

[Sharon Dodd]

It is a difficult thing to conquer your finances. Much like our Christian walk, it is a process. I wanted to let you know about a resource I think is great: Dave Ramsey. He has several books out, and there is a 13 week course which is put on at many churches and some businesses at a very low cost called Financial Peace University. He also has a website. None of his ideas are rocket science and he points that out. It's a matter of many simple, but difficult to make yourself do, things that will enable you to get your life and finances under your control so you can pay off your debts, and not have to worry when the phone rings. And he speaks from experience (He tells about his wife calling him at work when a bill collector asked her why she stayed married to a man who wouldn't pay their bills - and she was crying and called him at work to say she didn't know.) BTW, they are still married, and no longer in debt. I've actually visited the place just south of Nashville, TN where he does his radio show and visited with Dave, and volunteered a couple of times when he did Money Makeover Live events in the Oklahoma City area - he is very nice and lives what he talks about.
Sorry to be so long. email me any time (I did not get paid for this endorsement).
Sharon